today was genuinely so exhausting. it started off fun enough but good lord. french was so awful. the last 45 mins were so so horrific that I just shut down. bleh. the worst.
I woke up and took a shower and proved to myself that getting ready is lwk a breeze. I mean I have almost two hours everyday (recently I've been sleeping in a lot- on Tuesday I slept in until 6:52. whoops!) so I guess everybody with such a minimal amount of tasks could get readym but whatever.
I walked to class with CA, EBlow, and tippy. it was kinda torturous. tippy was literally only talking to EBlow and there isn't much to talk about with CA (I've lost my touch- i dont ever known what to say to anyone anymore.) and so I was kinda just walking in complete silence. then tippy inadvertently said I looked like a boy. goodie! I dont think she meant to, but it didn't exactly help get my spirits up. so that was one of the main things that depleted my energy.
first was fun.. I talked to EB and TC, who are nice. our teacher continued his tirade of telling us we need to be more locked in if we're "going to go into higher level math classes" bro whatever. he also keeps yelling at ick #3. bro. he's (ick #3) always talking. like never shuts up. and its not like he's talking to his friends or saying anything useful. he says the dumbest stuff kinda just to himself/to the public and I guess expects us to laugh. I laugh sometimes when he says things certain ways, but hes pretty annoying. hush! omg.
flex equals boring. tippy gave me some practice problems from her math 2 class and we played speed for the last 10 mins. that's about all that happened.
in 2nd we did a deep clean and GOOD LORD everyone in that class is inept and air-headed. I was with AB and lillie and all they did was flirt with JT (also in our group) GUYS. LOCK IN. hes not even that charming. it was horrifying. this was for a project grade, too. all they did was stand around. If I get a bad grade cuz of them I am going to flip out. anyway. JT has a new nickname for AB- needoh. she thinks its so cute and "annoying" and kept kicking and play fighting him. like. swatting him. like you'd see a pick me do in basically any piece of media. gah. have some self respect.
third was super boring. I had to work with Caroline, eric, and Solomon. Caroline is nice enough but she's kinda judgemental. also she's the type to say "oh youre so done with us" like no im just sitting here cuz yall are annoying. well I guess that means I am done with them. whatever. also, KB and berlin were gone. :( like they are some of my only friends EEK.
also, I noticed so many people wearing stripes today, specifically black and white.. very intriguing.
4th was fun at first.. SA, VV, and I were joking around and stuff, we were very overjoyed that extraordinaire (fredz) didn't win the manie musicale match, blah blah blah. I even talked to jackson, who's super nice, and VV even picked me to be her partner. usually SA snatches her up. anyways, after we finished the partner work, that's when it started. SA had to work with le petit garcon (who, for context, likes her), and she told VV everything but i had to lwk beg her to tell me. it was awful. that brought my energy further down. (basically what he said was a bunch of stuff about the n word- asking her if she'd say it, for how much money, blah blah blah, he said he'd say it for $5.) then SA and VV started passing notes. gah. it was the worst. I had to just sit there while they talked about something and giggled- and they didn't even try to hide it. like guys omg.
and so I went to bathroom and just stared at myself in the mirror, then went back. they were still passing notes. horror of horrors. I didn't say a single word for like 10 mins and they didn't even notice.
finally VV (who im not mad at- she was the one that convinced SA to tell me the n word thing) and SA I guess noticed that I wasn't saying anything or moving (which is very unusual for me in there) and SA was like "what do you think vivienne?" and I just shrugged and she was like "you've been very quiet" and I smiled. "by the way. I really like that hoodie on you!" "thanks" super exciting. VV asked if I was okay, and I just said I was tired. sometimes i wish people would see through that but then again, I dont really want to explain what's wrong. I dont want tk have to go through the whole ordeal of them apologizing and me saying it's fine and that im sorry. its the same thing every time. I want them to figure out what's wrong on their own. unfortunately they dont even notice anything is wrong, especially since I say im tired. so its all my fault that nobody notices. anyway. I didn't say basically anything else for the rest of class, then once we left, VV got away from me as soon as possible and I tried to talk to tippy but she was wholly focused on seeing fender so I just gave up. she didn't put up too much resistance.
I feel almost bipolar, even though I doubt I am. one week ill be super up, the next super down. (istg if anyone reads this and gets mad about this comparison im gonna lose it. yall are all SNOWFLAKES.) (sorry I dont mean that just please leave me alone 💔) anyways. I know everything will get better. time will pass.
and im not super mad at SA. I kinda doubt she even knows she's being a bitch half of the time. she often hurts my feelings, but then she'll act completely normal, like everything is fine, and I cant stay mad. I think she's just super unaware.
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