YIPE i've been gone so long pls forgive > <'

 the last day of school is in exactly a week!!!! i cannot wait omd. it feels like this second semester went by SO quick like istg i keep being like "i should try and bond with blah blah blah before the year is over" and then i realize the end is like UPON US. it's very wild.

anywayz today was the first day of exam review! wowza!! i had review for math and it was like totally awful cause our teacher just droned on and on and was in a super horrible mood. it was not great. 

i did bond a little more with rayn! i forgave her for being such a colossal bitch that one time (she was really rude and condescending abt me not finishing my hw and spilled her FLIPPING RED BULL ALL OVER ME and then wouldn't properly clean it up so my shoes were really sticky everytime i got up for awhile.) anyway. we played hangman and were going to eat lunch together but she decided to go eat with TC and EB. dat ok. i was just happy she felt comfortable enough around me to eat with me! :)

i also talked to JS in foods and that was fun.. the class was pretty boring and i realized that i didn't care i wasn't part of the massive table group. JS is "worth the whole damn bunch put together" (pulled out the great gatsby just for that aren't i so literary thought daughter) anyways he's great it was fun talking to him! we also played hangman and i taught him how to play ultimate tic tac toe.

english equals bleh. i got a 20/21 on my much ado about nothing quiz which was hurrah. we also took a walk and luis and megan and i all went to the br so we were a bit late to the party and went outside to go look for them. it doesn't sound very exciting putting it into writing but it was spectaculas and i felt special that they came back to walk down with me 

french was tres fantastique! we did a bunch of meyers briggs stuff and that was fun- we played human knot and i held jomarie and simon (eek!)'s hands. it was cool. (for reference i'm an INFP!) 

VV and SA and I also played a lot of hand games and VV taught me a new one, though I can't remember it. whatev. 

tomorrow is my bday party and i'm so excite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or exit (malapropism- aren't i so intelligent? wow i shock myself) the people i can remember saying they'll come are KB, BW, VV, birdie, tippy, stelly, LP, and (maybe) EW. she's going thru some stuff so maybe not. that's okay though, i want her to be able to heal. <3 anyway we'll be quite the merry bunch!! i'm very excited ^ ^ 

the only reasons i'm worried is because supposedly there's drama between LP and VV or something??? idek and also i don't want it to be awkward between BW and VV. PLUS i don't particularly want to see BW's measly attempts at flirting with birdie. horror of horrors. 

(excerpt from a may 9th draft for explanation: )

BW and VV have broken up 🙁 VV ended it on wednesday (may 6th). they'd been dating for about 2 months or so and BW is clearly taking it worse than her. he's really really upset and VV is kinda unbothered (T T )' I feel so bad for him. I guess they weren't super compatible from the beginning- her first opinion of him was that he was creepy- but I really thought it was gonna work. I just dont think VV actually liked him. I think she just felt kinda bad and/or wanted something to do. She really lead him on for way too long and that's not something im really in love with her for?? dont get me wrong though. its not like BW was perfect either. he kinda thought that her first priority should be him?? which like. no. she has a job and lots of friends and hw and all sorts of things going on!! expecting her to be able to hang out every single weekend is cray cray. 

I feel really bad for the both of them, but BW especially. he really did (does) like her. I feel like VV ignored him a lot. not to say that she should always be talking to him, but I feel like she purposefully wouldn't talk to him or include him sometimes?? it made me really sad 😿

anywayz hopefully BW will find someone that really likes him and matches his freak.

(end excerpt)

now he's basically fine (still makes bizarre jokes such as when i said it looked like i was obsessed with VV (i think it was cuz i was talking like her or something? i don't even remember) and he said "you're not the only one") and has bounced back. he told stelly he liked birdie and won't tell me (even though i pushed and pushed- NOT good, i regret it very much, i fear it might have gave stelby away) but whateva !!

 

a girl's first heartbreak

malak how I miss you ☹️ 

I remember hanging out with you in 6th grade walking around the track during pe games with defne and rt. im sorry I didn't talk to you enough.

I remember you giving me those fruit candies. everytime I see them I remember you.

I remember you teaching me words in Arabic and telling me about Yemen. I remember trying to talk in the sign language alphabet and laughing when we realized there were different versions per language.

I remember walking the track with you in pe last year. I remember you were almost never there. 

I remember your beautiful voice. You were almost completely fluent in English before you left. 

I remember you showing us your hair. I'd only ever seen you with the hijab. I felt so special. You were so so so beautiful. 

I'm sorry it took me so long to realize you were gone. I didn't realize you would ever leave. 

I hope you're happy in Yemen. I hope your husband is kind to you. I hope you're still spunky. 

When I first realized you'd been married off, I cried and cried. I wish you well. I hope one day we'll meet again. 

today I bought those candies. not the exact ones, but similar. almost exactly the same. they're still good. I miss you.