i'm back !!

i completely forgot about this.. T T

we haven't been in school for two weeks, and have has so many remote days that if we don't go to school soon we'll cut into summer. YUCK!! 

i really hate my english class. I guess the teacher isn't that bad, but she keeps giving us soo much work :p I hate it. 

BW and I walk to lunch everyday together and it's nice cuz he and keira are the only people I know in there. she's nice, but BW and I are a lot closer

I haven't found anyone to crush on.. for awhile there I was thinking CB but I don't think so.. he's really nice and funny but it would never work out and tbh there's not chance he likes me so there's no use

I have hardly any friends in any of my classes. It's totally boring. In foods I've been trying to be nice to everyone but it really is exhausting.. who knows how stella keeps it up. maybe the longer you're nicer you get used to it. or maybe you've just gotta be genuinely nice, not just cosplaying??

idk i just really don't think I'm nice at heart. i think i'm just a mean person and no matter how much I try to grow it's like the mean keeps seeping out. totally yuck but whatever. 

anywayzz.. in foods there's this one guy named mac he's apparently super creepy.. I can't figure out what grade he's in but ally said to STAY AWAY from him. i kinda feel bad cuz one time we made eye contact while both me and ally were looking at him and laughing and it's kinda obvious we were talking about him. i imagine she's forgiving him soon though because she talks to him and some other guy that sits with her a lot soo ?? 

i'm currently obsessed with videoclub. i've listened to them consistently recently.. they're really great :D my artist lineup on last fm rn is illit, the marias (i've been super obsessed with the paranoia album recently as well), tommy february6 (another hyperfixation), new jeans, lyn lapid. I completely forgot about lyn until recently and I've been listening to tlit2c a lot. who knows. i've also gotten into perfume a bit, as well as the cocteau twins. i feel very pretentious when I listen to them- i think a lot of people like them and listen to them better than me but I try to not let it consume my life.

i've been reading, but not enough. so far this year i've finished 3 books- heaven by meiko kawakami, speak by laurie halse anderson, and this side of paradise by fitzgerald. i love love love fitzgerald. he's truly one of the best writers. in my opinion. ik he stole a lot of his work from his wife, but trustt T T currently I'm reading the enchanted april by elizabeth von arnim. the farthest i've got is a few paragraphs in the intro. she seems like a very interesting person. so does fitzgerald. his wikipedia page is like a diary of a very fun person. I think it'd be fun to invite him to dinner (ms. vines reference??) 

i remember my dinner party was really bizarre and quite pretentious.. stephen king, h.p. lovecraft, and mary downing hahn. god i LOVED mdh. i think I read like 14 of her books before I gave up? probably less. it was awhile ago.

i don't think enough people experienced such obsession and they really should. it's a very formative period. 

like my maggie thrash era.. good god. i mean what was even going on with that.. her webcomics are really great though, specifically loner comics. i think more people should read it. they'd be more interesting if they did. 

last night i must've gone really crazy because i used this random lotion and a facial razor to shave my calves because the hair was driving me CRAZY. i also played solitaire for way too long and recited sorority girls by mommy long legs in my head. actually no, that makes it sound cooler than it was. it was mainly the chorus and stuff. i also tried all of the google doodles and finally figured out how to play minesweeper, even if i'm not very good. :p 

anyways bye bye. gotta go !!

 

last watched: slc punk. (pretty good, i absolutely loved the way the story flowed!!)