blah blah blah: twilight is all consuming

oopsie poopsie for being gone so long!! i'm very disappointed in myself. however. i found an old live journal with a few twilight posts and was like omg i need to update my blog!! so here I am

https://letterstorob.com/2012/09/20/the-good-ol-days-of-rob-pattinson

https://www.fanverse.org/threads/anti-twilight-fc-archive.392670/

as much as I hate to say it, i got back into twilight because of the absolutely delicioso edits of jacob on tiktok, so i decided to reread it. it's pretty phenomenal. right now i have the og 4 + midnight sun and bree tanner. i ordered the directors notebook, illustrated guide, and life and death a few days ago. i'm awaiting its delivery like a wife who's (whos?) husband is at war. I am SO EXCITED. today is sunday so unfortch they couldn't be delivered, which is very annoying. i also ordered vol. 3 of vampire kisses (blood relatives) so that's cool too.

currently i am reluctantly team edward. i think jacob would be a better boyfriend/husband for bella, but the thing is, she just does not like him like that. even in new moon, which is when they are SO CLOSE to being together (it truly breaks my heart.. if edward had stayed away for good or the volturi had went ahead and killed him, it would be better), she still didn't fully like him like that, she just wanted to be with him and kind of give in because it would be easier and she wanted him to be happy, which he would be with her. the thing is, i don't think that happiness would last forever. bella is forever altered by edward (manipulation theory ⬇) and i don't think it would be very fun for jacob after awhile. knowing that as much as she loves you, she's still devoted to this other guy (your natural mortal enemy!) would be hard. and anyway, i don't think the volturi should have killed edward. i'm exaggerating. it's just frustrating to me. ik it was torturous for jacob - he was SO CLOSE.

i don't know why edward thought a cold turkey split with bella would be a good idea. and idk why people think bella could ever move on from him and that team jacob would be endgame??? my theory : bella and edward became close super duper fast- they started dating in like a week or so after first really meeting?? i think that was spurred by the whole vampire thing- once you know, you can't really take that back, so bella kind of had to be with him. and so they were really really close- spending every second together, being the only person for each other, and then they were apart for awhile, then they were super close again. that is legit a manipulation tactic???? i don't really think edward was trying to manipulate bella, but that's just how it worked out- so she obviously is obsessed with him again. there's no moving her anymore.
(this is not a good paragraph. i can't explain what i'm thinking.)

i've really been deep diving into twilight lore- the twilight reddit was eye-opening, and now i know so much more.. like about forever dawn and the twilight storytellers. the storytellers short films were pretty good.. i like we've met before pretty well and the mary alice brandon file was cool, but the others were lowkey trash :( i just felt so unfulfilled. maybe it was partly because the og actors weren't in them. well, whatever.

i liked this post in the subreddit- it's kind of weird but i thought it was interesting math ? (T T )'